Hello again! The return of hugging and handshakes

Since 17 May we have been given permission to hug and shake hands, and the expectation is that the weird world of Covid greeting protocols will soon be behind us. But many people will not be ready to calibrate their greetings by the government-approved calendar, and will still be feeling nervous about physical contact.

These are early post-lockdown days, and it would therefore be wise to approach the complicated world of Covid greetings with a degree of circumspection.

If you are tending to feel cautious, or a bit anxious, then you will need to prepare yourself for the onslaught. If you see someone coming in for a hug or handshake take a decisive step back, flash a rueful smile and say something deprecating like ’I’m so sorry, I’m still being super-cautious.’  In these unusual circumstances, a verbal explanation will go a long way towards mitigating any social confusion.

Alternatively you can use humour to deflect the enthusiastic greeter. Head the hugger or handshaker off at the pass by waving and blowing semi-ironic kisses from a safe distance.

If your greeter’s enthusiasm and momentum remains unchecked, brandish a defensive elbow. If necessary, an ‘It’s all about elbow bumps now, isn’t it?’ remark should stop them in their tracks. Politicians, who are inveterate handshakers, are all having recourse to this faintly comical greeting. While it lacks the sobriety and gravitas of a firm handshake, it is at least friendly and light-hearted.

If all else fails, and you’re confronted by a determined hugger, turn your face away when embracing, looking over the hugger’s shoulder.

If you have thrown caution to the winds and are keen to greet your friends, family and colleagues with hugs and handshakes, it is a good idea to look out for tell-tale signs of anxiety or unwillingness in your targets. If someone flinches and takes a step back from your proffered embrace or handshake, it’s pretty obvious they’re not ready for physical contact. Don’t be offended or take it personally; defuse a potentially embarrassing situation by shrugging and saying something along the lines of ‘Sorry I’m getting a bit carried away!’ OR ‘Oh dear, you’re obviously being a bit more cautious than me…’  It really is best to verbally comment on it, rather than let it fester.

Whatever your attitude to physical greetings, now is the time to be observant and sensitive, ready to adjust your behaviour at a moment’s notice and to be tolerant of other people’s fears and foibles.

How to Survive Culinary Calamities 

Text Before You Call?

Is it really necessary to text ahead to arrange a phone call?  Nearly all of us carry around mobile phones, packing a wealth of processing power in our pockets. But the simplest function of all – making a phone call – has now become a bit of a minefield.

Members of the older generation, who perhaps grew up with a ‘telephone table’ in the hall on which a large phone squatted like a household deity, will probably find this a vexed question. They were trained to respond instantly to its insistent ringing and, in the days before answering machines, a phone call was an all or nothing affair.

But increasingly, and especially amongst younger, more habitual mobile phone users, it is considered rude and intrusive to pick up the phone and simply make a phone call.  Instead, it is customary to send a text message first, asking when it would be appropriate to call.   This cautious approach makes the phoning procedure highly premeditated, when once it was an impromptu gesture.

As people become more stressed and life’s pressures take their toll, it seems that they feel increasingly persecuted by the jarring ring of the phone. An unplanned phone call may be an announcement of bad news, or simply an invasion of peace and privacy, which will send anxiety levels spiking. For many people, it is a basic act of politeness to ensure that friends are forewarned of phone calls and given the chance to consent to receive them.

Some people will resist this circumspect approach; after all, most mobile phones display the caller’s details, so it is easy enough to vet incoming calls and perhaps call back at a more convenient time. But for the more sensitive amongst us, even a ‘missed call’ message may feel invasive.

It is certainly true that phone calls are much more likely to be ‘arranged’ in the current lockdown.  We’re all suffering from a paucity of social contact and therefore phone calls are a real lifeline. People are increasingly scheduling calls, which allows them to dispense with potential distractions, and perhaps settle down to enjoy a long chat with a cup of tea or a glass of wine.

Even when life returns to normal, it is likely that the new, tentative phone etiquette is here to stay. We may have lost the spontaneity of the spur-of-the-moment phone call, but we have learned to respect, and value, each other’s time.

Marital milestones: how to celebrate a wedding anniversary

Today the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary and at Debrett’s we are pondering the significance of wedding anniversaries. These marital milestones are reassuring rites, and also offer a timely excuse for indulgent gifts and enjoyable celebrations.

Anniversaries are an excellent reminder of the solidity of a marriage, its growing longevity commemorated and celebrated on an annual basis. They offer a valuable opportunity to pause and take stock of the previous year, review the whole span of married life, and rejoice.

The tradition of celebrating wedding anniversaries is rooted in the Middle Ages, when the milestones of 25th and 50th wedding anniversaries – comparatively rare events when life expectancy was short  – were celebrated with silver and gold wreaths, which the husband bestowed on his wife. For those unable to afford such precious metals, symbolic gifts had to suffice. Gradually, more significant dates were added to the anniversary calendar; Queen Victoria’s diamond jubilee celebrated 60 years on the throne, and diamonds became associated with 60th wedding anniversaries. It was also during the Victorian era that wood came to represent the fifth wedding anniversary, and it was common for husbands to hand-carve mementoes for their wives.

A detailed list of wedding anniversary symbols (see below) is now recognised, but it is important to bear in mind that the list is merely a suggestion, not a prescriptive set of instructions. Many people will enjoy the challenge of taking an unpromising material, for example tin, and finding a creative way of utilising it in an anniversary gift. But it is a rare person who will eschew a diamond eternity ring or engraved watch as an anniversary gift just because, strictly speaking, their present should have been made of china or wood.

The important thing is to remember the anniversary, without hints or prompting, and to make arrangements to celebrate it – a card, a gift, a special dinner, an outing. No spouse will appreciate his or her anniversary morning being greeted with obliviousness, followed by a last-minute dash to the florist or off-licence. While some people are stalwart agnostics when it comes to ‘manufactured’ celebrations, most people will respect the tradition of marking another year of connubial bliss, and will be disappointed if it is forgotten or ignored.

British Wedding Anniversaries

1. Paper

2. Cotton

3. Leather

4. Flowers, fruit

5. Wood

6. Sugar

7. Wool, copper

8. Bronze, pottery

9. Willow, pottery

10. Tin

11. Steel

12. Silk, linen

13. Lace

14. Ivory

15. Crystal

20. China

25. Silver

30. Pearl

35. Coral

40. Ruby

45. Sapphire

50. Gold

55. Emerald

60. Diamond

70. Platinum

On The Wagon

Most people, at some point in their lives, refrain from alcohol. On occasions, refusal of alcohol is for perfectly clear medical reasons (booze may clash with prescription drugs, or an operation is impending, or the person is pregnant). At other times, it is more clearly a case of self-imposed abstinence: this can range from a few weeks ‘clean-living’ to a committed campaign to kick the drink habit once and for all.

The last year of intermittent lockdowns has been hard going for many of us, and the myriad variety of coping strategies have ranged from super-healthy exercise mania at one end of the spectrum to slumped couch potato at the other. It is certainly true that a lot of people found themselves eating or drinking to excess.

Now, as lockdown eases, we find ourselves back in the real world and for many people it has become imperative to lose the extra pounds and banish the drinking habit.

Whatever the reason, a decision has been made, and must be respected. Now that we’re all hosting again (albeit in a limited way), we may find ourselves confronted with a refusal of drink from a guest. Never question why this is happening; never cajole, or plead, or tease. You may be understandably disappointed that they’re not joining in the party fun, especially after the long months of social abstinence, but you must never let this show – meet their refusal with good grace and offer a tempting range of alcohol-free drinks.

If you are the teetotaller, however temporary, you must also mind your manners. Refuse a drink politely; give an explanation if you think that helps. Never act the martyr, miserably cradling your mineral water as the party takes off around you. Never lecture your fellow guests about the benefits of an alcohol-free existence.

If you are sober, intoxicated company can be baffling; conversations meander, arguments break out for no reason, non-jokes are met with general hilarity. If you are unable to cope with this alcohol-induced anarchy, don’t socialise with heavy drinkers. If you can endure these antics without a censorious air, you will be worth your weight in gold – the one sober guest at the end of the evening who is able to sort out the increasingly unruly guests, locate scattered belongings, confiscate car keys, and post them home in a taxi.

Just remember the next morning, when you’re enjoying a virtuous, hangover-free breakfast, that pointing out the benefits of alcohol-free living to bleary family and friends is a transgression that will not be easily forgotten.

The Royal Family Mourns the death of The Duke of Edinburgh

The Royal Family is officially in mourning following the passing of Prince Philip this morning at the age of 99.

 

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, was the longest serving consort of a reigning monarch. Prince Philip married Princess Elizabeth, heiress presumptive to the British throne, on 20 November 1944. During their Golden Wedding Anniversary banquet in 1997, the Queen described her husband as her ‘strength and stay’. Born Prince of Greece and Denmark Prince Philip, was also descended in direct female line from Queen Victoria. His marriage into the British royal family represents one of the last great inter-dynastic royal marriages.

 

Prince Philip experienced more changes in name and style than most men of his generation. At birth he was named Prince Philip of Greece and Denmark but following his engagement to Princess Elizabeth he renounced his rights to the throne of Greece and was naturalised a British subject, taking the surname Mountbatten. He was granted the title, style and attribute of Royal Highness the day before his wedding in 1947 and the following day was named Baron Greenwich, of Greenwich, Earl of Merioneth and Duke of Edinburgh in the peerage of the United Kingdom.

 

On February 22nd 1957, he was granted the style and titular dignity of a Prince of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

 

A Debrett’s spokesperson said, “The Duke of Edinburgh has not only served the Queen as a husband, he has left a lasting legacy for the entire nation.”

 

Prince Philip has spent much of his life accompanying the Queen on her official visits in the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth. By the time of his retirement in 2017, he had undertaken 22,191 solo engagements, given 5,493 speeches, and was associated with more than 780 organisations.

 

Prince Philip launched the Duke of Edinburgh Award in 1956. Since then, millions of young participants worldwide have benefited from the programme.

 

The title of Duke of Edinburgh will not go to Prince Charles, who will remain the Prince of Wales, but is expected to go to Edward, Earl of Wessex, in time.

 

A spokesperson for Debrett’s said: ’When the Earl of Wessex married in 1999, it was announced that he would be honoured with the title of Duke of Edinburgh in due course, once the title eventually reverts back to the Crown. No specific time limit was given, and it would be unwise to speculate when or if the official announcement will be made on any decision as to the future of the Dukedom.'

Post-Lockdown BBQ Tips

As we all take our first steps, somewhat shell-shocked, out of lockdown, the great British barbecue has moved centre stage, enabling us to eat and entertain outdoors, without fear of breaching regulations. But it would be foolish to ignore the vagaries of the British weather, and as balmy spring days alternate with freezing wintry relapses, keep your eye on the forecasts, stock up with warm blankets, or better still provide some form of outdoor heating.

 

Prepare

 

Provide

 

Advise

 

Enjoy

The Etiquette of a Successful Easter Egg Hunt

We have now passed the first milestone on the route out of lockdown and will be able to enjoy sharing Easter with groups of six in our gardens or in the local park. This is an ideal opportunity to honour the historic tradition of the Easter egg hunt, which can be conducted outside, and is a sociable way of containing children’s pent-up energy and chocolate lust.

 

Children will enjoy their Easter eggs all the more if they have to hunt for them. All you’ll need is plenty of small, wrapped Easter eggs and a basket or bowl for each child so that they can store their booty.  Alternatively, you can go all out for authentic hand-painted hard-boiled eggs, rewarding children at the end with a compensatory chocolate egg exchange.

 

If your children are small, it’s probably best just to hide the eggs and let them roam free and hunt. Tell the children to return to base when they have achieved a target number of eggs (eg six) so that you can check that eggs are being fairly distributed, and that the balance is redressed for any children who are really lagging behind.

 

Older children will love responding to written clues. You can use brightly coloured craft card, which you tape to trees or walls. Children will enjoy rhyming clues and terrible puns. Alternatively, you can give each child a written sheet of clues that will direct him/her to various points around the garden.

 

Before the hunt starts, agree with the children that they can eat a limited number of eggs at the end of the hunt, but that the rest must be taken home and saved for later. That way you may at least mitigate the hyperactive consequences of a chocolate overload…

 

Egg Hunt Etiquette

 

 

 

 

 

12 Facts You Didn't Know About Easter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Countryside Walks: The Rules to Follow

We’ve all been feeling the lack of distractions in the lockdown –non-essential shops, cinemas, theatres, bars, cafés and restaurants… the list goes on. For many of us, walking in the countryside has been a lifesaver over the last few weeks, but we should spare a thought for farmers and country-dwellers, who may have been less than thrilled by an invasion of heedless day-trippers.

Certain rules of behaviour should be observed when in the country, and will go a long way towards mitigating any negative impact. There’s an age-old way of doing things in rural Britain, so go prepared, and be aware that:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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