My fiancé is being really relaxed about timings on our wedding day. I'm trying to put together a running order of the day, whereas he's saying that it will all just happen... am I being too bossy? Joy, Brighton
You are being very sensible! It is important that the best man, chief usher and chief bridesmaid know what's supposed to happen when. Things may not run entirely to schedule, but a timetable of the day will ensure that things run smoothly. It is also very useful for your caterer, photographer etc too.
Related Debrett's Links: Timetable of the Day, Arriving at the Ceremony, Going Away

I love bright colours and am thinking of choosing a bold colour theme for my wedding. Is it ok to break with conventional pastel shades and go for orange or red? How can I make it work and not look horribly out of place? Caroline, Frome
Many brides decide to opt for an unusual colour to make their day really stand out. Orange or red is good option because there are plenty of suitably shaded flowers. You could also match the bridesmaid's dresses, your bouquet, the buttonholes and details such as ribbons, confetti, candles and place settings. Remember, however, for maximum impact and style, keep a sense of balance.
Related Debrett's links: Style and Theme

I'm trying to draw up a budget for the wedding day. A friend has told me to look out for hidden costs and to keep some money back for emergencies. What sort of things should I be looking out for? Vanessa, Hackney
The first thing to remember is that most of your quotes for flowers, venue/marquee, cars, catering etc will come without VAT. So, make sure you allow for the extra percentage to be added onto the final balance. It is sensible to keep some money in the pot because you will find that costs creep up, and there is always something else to pay for or buy. This might be minor costs on decorations or accessories, or might be a more significant amount as you make final decisons on food and drink.
Related Debrett's Links: Money, Budgeting, Costs

Do I need to bother with wedding insurance? Mark, London
It is essential you get wedding insurance. As a lot of money is involved with planning a wedding, and the majority of the payements required before the day, a policy should be organised as soon as the date is set and before any suppliers are booked. There are plenty of reasonably priced packages availible, as well as bespome options if you have special requirements.
Related Debrett's Links: Wedding Insurance

My son is getting married and his fiancé wants the theme to be black and red and I am mortified!  She is to carry a bouquet of red roses, the bridesmaids are wearing long black satin dresses and the male wedding party are to wear white tie evening tail suits, the wedding is at 2pm. Apparently the bride's mother is wearing all black, a long dress, and they are wanting other guests to follow suit. In my book this is terribly unlucky and bad form... am I being a stick in the mud? Kimberley
Modern weddings often adopt unusual themes and dress codes. This may not be to everyone's taste, but many couples want to create a day that is different to more traditional weddings. The invitation or information sent with the invite should inform guests that there is an unusual dress code. It is sensible for you, as the mother of the groom, to liaise with the mother of the bride to check that you will be suitably dressed on the day, and to ensure that you will co-ordinate with the rest of the wedding party.
Related Debrett's Links: Alternative Dress Codes, Style and Theme, The Wedding Team

What should the grooms parents pay for? Brian
Nowadays, there is no set etiquette on wedding costs. Traditionally, the bride's family bears the cost, but this is by no means expected today. Often, the groom's parents will pay for a certain element of the day - e.g. the dress, the wine. Alternatively, they may just write a cheque towards the total cost of the wedding. Equally, many couples decide to pay for the entire day themselves. Often, the wedding is paid for by a combination of both sets of parents and the couple.
Related Debrett's Links: Who Pays?, Traditional Etiquette for Money

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