Questions on Widows, Widowers and Divorcees

I am a widower. When my daughter's engagement is
announced in the paper what is the correct form of writing?
1. and x, youngest daughter of Mr. John Smith and the late Mrs.
John Smith of Dover, Kent; or 2. and x, youngest daughter of Mr.
John and the late Mrs. John Smith of Dover, Kent; or 3. and x,
youngest daughter of Mr. John Smith of Dover, Kent and the late
Mrs. John Smith; or something else? Many thanks. ST
I think the preferred wording for your daughter's engagement would
be X, youngest daughter of Mr John Smith and the late Mrs Smith, of
Dover, Kent. In other words I don't think it is necessary to repeat
your Christian name. However, the powers that be on the Court and
Social page may have their own editorial policies about these
announcements.
I googled "forms of address" hoping to be enlightened as
to how I should address a widow and how I should address a divorced
lady, on an envelope or on a list of members of a club. I
understood that a widow should be accorded the dignity of
using her husband's initials, whereas I thought a divorcee's own
initials should be used. Is there a set protocol, or is it
just a matter of opinion? I look forward to your take
on the matter. WR
Yes, you are quite right. The established form of address for a
widow is by her late husband's initials, or indeed by his Christian
name (ie Mrs D. M. Russell, or Mrs David Russell). The latter style
would indicate very clearly that the lady in question is either
married or widowed. The use of a woman's own initials or Christian
name (Mrs W. M. Russell or Mrs Wendy Russell) would traditionally
imply that she is divorced, although of course a woman might choose
to use her own name in a professional capacity - in which case 'Ms'
would probably be preferable to 'Mrs' in order to avoid the
implication of a divorce having taken place.
These traditional styles of address are, however, more as a result
of custom and usage, rather than absolute rules.
See Rites
of Passage: Addressing Widows
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