Many 18ths and 21sts are celebrated independently, away from parents and family. Some choose to have an evening in the pub or a meal out with friends; many turning 21 will be at university so are already away from home.

•It is always a popular move if parents offer to help finance any celebrations, even if they are not present. This may be putting a (limited) tab behind a bar, or contributing towards a meal.

•Parents should ask their son or daughter how their contemporaries have celebrated and establish a suitable way to contribute.

•If parents want to make sure that the money goes towards the party and guarantee that all is above board, then they can telephone the restaurant or bar in advance and establish with them what is being contributed.

•It is wise to limit any financial contributions and make the host (son or daughter) aware of this in advance.

•Some parents also set up arrangements to pay the establishment over the phone on the night, or ask their son or daughter for a receipt to ensure they retain control over spending.

See Miss Debrett on Becoming an Adult

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