Shyness
While shyness can be crippling in the
young, it has a shelf-life.
The sheer terror of social interaction for children or young
people can be strong enough to induce debilitating physical
symptoms - blushing, shaking, stammering, sweating hands, even the
welling up of tears - but research has shown that this is more to
do with the lack of social skills, the unfamiliarity of the
situation and the anticipation of that unfamiliarity than to do
with a deeper form of introspection or social anxiety. While it
seems like a character trait, it is more often just a symptom of
the fear of the unknown.
In other words, ordinary shyness can be conquered by simply putting
yourself into timidity-inducing scenarios and forcing yourself to
join in; however terrible it feels the first time, the second time
will be exponentially better. Parents of naturally shy children are
pivotal in influencing which way that shyness will go - gently
handled and carefully introduced into non-threatening gatherings
where they can develop their social skills at their own pace, these
children will gradually shrug off their shyness.
But if parents constantly excuse their children in front of others,
"I'm sorry, little Charlotte is awfully shy" or actively tease or
criticise them for their shyness, "See how Charlotte blushes!" and
do nothing to soothe the underlying anxiety, then they should not
be surprised when the shyness escalates.
Beyond the age of thirty, however, shyness becomes less excusable;
often it is used as a tool by the arrogant or lazy to dodge the
need to interact with people. That person who tells you that they
hate going to drinks parties because they are too shy to talk to
people is usually inadvertently confessing that they are too idle
to make the effort.
Register for updates
Register here to receive our regular newsletter, exclusive offers and updates on new Debrett’s initiatives.
Register here now


