Moving On

Lady looking into the distance

The emotional after-shock of a divorce can leave you feeling raw and vulnerable. Another relationship will seem unimaginably distant. When you can begin to contemplate life after divorce, the first thing to do is write a list of your ex's shortcomings. As the list gets shorter, so your memory of the pain of the break-up gets shorter. You know you have finally moved on when you find your own misery boring. Then the relationship has truly ended - for both of you.

If you feel ready to start again, let your friends know. They may well have been waiting in the wings, with potential partners already lined up. But if you do allow yourself to be matched, don't then get huffy when things don't work out. It's no good saying, "Why did you set me up with someone who didn't call?" when someone was good enough to look out for you in the first place. And if at first a matchmaker doesn't succeed for you, don't despair… starting over is a long process, so be patient - if friends' contacts fail you, there are hundreds of matchmaking services online, just waiting to match you to your perfect mate.

When you start dating resist the temptation to re-live the low points of your marriage with a sympathetic and attentive new partner. They will certainly want to know the story of your break-up, but beware… detailed tales of communication breakdowns, neglect, abuse and infidelity may set alarm bells ringing, and the failure of your marriage may return to haunt you. Don't present yourself as an unwitting victim of your ex-partner; your attempts to exculpate yourself will merely look like an inability to face up to reality.

Always remember that this is a new beginning, a clean slate. Don't be jaded by your past, unwilling to repeat experiences because you are allowing them to become infected by negativity. Every relationship has its own unique dynamic, and you have to be willing to start again.

See New Relationships

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