We are happy to annouce the publication of Debrett's Guide to Civilised Separation in association with Mishcon de Reya.

Relationship breakdowns are an all too sad feature of modern life - one in three marriages between 1995 and 2010 having ended in divorce. However, the impact spreads far beyond the couple involved, with damage and hurt being wreaked on immediate family and all manner of friendships.

At Debrett's we felt that, while there are many guides to the legal process of divorce, there is a paucity of advice when it comes to handling the personal issues associated with a major life trauma. We believe that courteous and considerate behaviour can actually help to reduce unnecessary animosity and distress.

Debrett's, the leading authority on behaviour, and Mishcon de Reya, leaders in the field of family law, have worked together to produce the first definitive guide that covers both the legal process and behavioural aspects of separation and divorce.

Debrett's Civilised Advice

We cover not just the common courtesy and cooperation that should be associated with separation, but deal with how you handle ex-partners, the impact on children and maintaining civilised relationships with former in-laws and friends.

Debrett's Guide to Civilised Separation satisfies a need for those that require guidance and advice in what can be one of the most challenging times of their lives.

•Don't be vindictive: it may be tempting to throw your husband's vintage wine down the loo or shred his best suit, but judges will take a dim view of this behaviour. Hold your head high and retain the civilised high ground.

•Don't waste your lawyer's time: arguing in court about which party should have the cream sofa or the dinner service is a waste of lawyer's time and fees - it's much better to try and resolve these questions with your spouse in a civilised manner.  If that sounds impossible, enlist the mediating help of a friend or cousellor.

•Communicating effectively: as with all bad news text messaging is inappropriate. When the time comes to tell your family circle that you're separating, tell them in person or write a short explanatory note (resist the urge to descend into self-justification and recrimination)

•Don't be a dinner party bore: Long tales about legal battles, dastardly dealing and flaming rows will soon have you struck off the dinner party list unless told with humour and self-deprecation.

•Bring a friend: there will be many trials in post-divorce life, eg your ex-partner's remarriage or the christening of his/her child with a new partner. If you choose to participate it is imperative that you act impeccably. If you have any doubts about your behaviour, bring a close friend, who can monitor signs of bitterness and acrimony.

•New life, new title: Traditionally, divorced women retained their married surname, but prefixed it with their forename (e.g. Mrs Caroline Smith, not Mrs John Smith). For women who have retained their maiden name, there is no issue - they simply have to decide whether they're called Ms, Miss or Mrs.

Some women, however, may want to discard a name that seems freighted with failure, and revert to their maiden name. This is perfectly acceptable, but before you do so, think carefully about the impact on your children, who will probably retain their father's surname.

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